Relationships matter

Conflict is a normal part of any parent relationship. It only starts to become a problem when conflict is frequent, intense and not resolved well. The latest research tells us that conflict is harmful to children and affects their mental health, behaviour and success at school.

Relationships Matter is a programme where nine councils across the North East have come together to support families in their local areas.

So whether you are parenting as a couple, are separated or bringing up children with other family members, we're here to support you all to build strong, healthy relationships with each other.

View the Relationships matter website for more information.

You can also find specific information for County Durham, such as courses, in the sections below.

Parental conflict or domestic abuse

Parental conflict and domestic abuse are two separate things, but it can sometimes be difficult to work out if your relationship is abusive or just in a bad place.

As a general guide, if your relationship with your partner, ex-partner or a member of your family is abusive:

they will want to hold all the power and control
you might be fearful of them
their abuse will have happened more than once, or you will notice patterns

Helpful websites

Harbour

Harbour is a specialist domestic abuse service that helps people living in County Durham.

Victim Support

Victim Support is a national website with information about categories of domestic abuse.

Galop (LGBT+)

Galop UK is an anti-violence charity, making life safe, just and fair for LGBT+ people.

NSPCC

NSPCC: domestic abuse tells you how you can support for you and your child if you are experiencing domestic abuse.

Relationship support for parents who are together

If you're having problems in your family life, there are lots of ways you can help yourself and your partner.

You might be:

worrying about your child's behaviour and need some help with different approaches to parenting
considering splitting up as a couple
part of a step family and need help adjusting
experiencing arguments between yourselves and need support in communicating with each other

Your local Family Hub provides a range of programmes including a Parenting Together course that can help. You can Find out what's on at your nearest Family Hub.

Safety concerns

If you are concerned that your children are not safe with your ex-partner or other family member, it is your responsibility to take protective action. This may include:

stopping your children from seeing your ex-partner, or other family members, where there is a risk to your child's safety
asking somebody neutral to help with handovers
asking for handovers to take place away from the home address
asking for communication to be kept to arrangements for your children
limiting communicating to text messages

When to contact Children's Services

You should contact First Contact if you are concerned that your child's safety is at risk and you are unable to protect them or you need additional support or advice.

Relationship support for parents who are separated or considering separation

There is a lot to consider when thinking about separation. Most important is how the new arrangements will affect your children.

The Co-Parent Hub

If you are thinking about separation, you are likely to be feeling strong emotions and it may be hard to not be swayed by these. A good place to start thinking about this is the Co-Parent Hub. It gives you the chance to think through the practical arrangements you'll need to make and will help you stay focused on making decisions in the best interests of your children.

The Co-Parent Hub has different online tools to help you during and after your separation and in making arrangements for your children. Their parenting plan, which both parents can use, and advice about mediation options are designed to help separating parents come to agreements without needing to use the court system. It also has advice on how to reassure your children, who are likely to be feeling upset and anxious, and take some time to really listen to them about what they need.

It is almost always in a child's best interest to maintain contact with both parents. It is important that you do not seek to punish your ex-partner by denying them contact with their children, unless of course there are concerns that the children would not be safe.